


roadtrip

by LauIsVeryCold



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alcohol, Asexual, BoyxBoy, Depression, GMM - Freeform, Gay, Good Mythical Morning - Freeform, Homosexual, Link Neal - Freeform, Love, M/M, Mention of abuse, Multi, Polyamory, Polygamy, Rhett McLaughlin - Freeform, Roadtrip, Thoughts of Suicide, drunk, link - Freeform, mention of rape, rhett - Freeform, rhink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauIsVeryCold/pseuds/LauIsVeryCold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Link Neal goes on a roadtrip with his two best friends, Andy and Cream (Karim). They have been dreaming about this trip forever, but during the trip not everything goes as it's supposed to. </p>
<p>warnings: depresion, thoughts of suicide, mention of rape, mention of abuse, runaway</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. day one

“Let’s go!” Andy screams.  
After years of saving money, my friends and I could finally go on that road trip we have been planning to go on since we were fifteen. We saved money for a small bus with bunk beds and were finally able to go.

Andy started the bus and we drove away, off to the freedom. Finally escaping the sadness and frustrations from home. Cream was texting someone, probably saying goodbye since we were not coming back, and Andy was driving. I could see Andy’s onyx black hair in the sunlight and I just knew he was smiling. He wanted to go on this trip since forever. I looked at Cream, his thumbs raced over the screen of his phone and his eyes read his texts faster than I could ever do. He smiled, Cream had a cute, turtle-like smile. It made his face light up, he was so adorable sometimes. I smiled at sat down on my bunk bed in the back of the bus.  
Finally we were on our road trip. I’ve been dreaming about this since forever! Together with my best mates: Andy and Cream, I am going to have the time of my life. I didn’t think I was going to miss my family, my dad left us when I was young and my mother was depressed. I did have a step-dad and siblings, but we didn’t get along that well. The house where I lived was a place where I comfortable, but it wasn’t a real home for me. I always felt like I was locked up there, but now I’m leaving that place and I’m going to buy an apartment in LA with my best friends and we’re going to be happy together.

After some time we stopped. I came out of my bunk bed to what was going on. Cream was sitting on the small table behind the driver’s seat and Andy was standing next to him. They were talking.  
“But it looks fun”, Andy said. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he looked excited.  
“Okay. We’ll go”, Cream answered, he sounded half annoyed and half excited. “Hi Link. We’re going to explore this forest”. He looked at me with a smile.  
“Sounds like fun!” I smiled. I liked exploring the outside world, it made me feel less locked up.  
Andy picked up a big, black backpack with important hike stuff and we got out of the bus. The cool air hit my face and made me smile. Freedom! The trees looked inviting and mysterious at the same time. The sun was high and warm, the wind was cool. Perfect forest-exploring-weather.  
We wandered around the beautiful forest in silence for a while, sometimes someone discovered something cool and we stood still and talked about it, until Andy stood still without a warning.  
“What is it?” I asked. Why was he standing still so sudden?  
“Look!” Andy said exited, he opened his blue eyes wide. He pointed to a huge tree. “It’s perfect!”  
Cream started laughing. “Okay let’s climb that motherfucker”.   
Andy started climbing the tree and Cream and I followed him. We climbed trees often so it wasn’t hard. Andy sat down on a big branch and we sat down next to him.  
“What a beautiful view”, Cream whispered without looking away from the scene in front of him.  
Andy and I nodded in agreement. It was literally breath taking. The trees, the road in the distance (I didn’t realize we climbed up a hill until now), a lake to left, a small farm to the right. Everything looked so peaceful from up here.  
Cream started singing. Andy and knew the song so we sang along as soon as we recognized what he was singing.

She sits up high  
Surrounded by the sun  
One million branches and she loves everyone  
Mom and dad did you search for me   
I’ve been up here so long   
I’m going crazy

We stopped singing all at the same time as if we practiced it. We didn’t, we just knew each other way too well. I loved them.

Back in the bus, we eat and went to bed. Our hair was wet because we took a swim in the lake in the forest. It was nice, but the water was too cold to really enjoy the swim. It was beautiful by the lake. Maybe that’s just what a lake was supposed to look like and all lakes looked like that, but my family never went to lakes and stuff with me so everything is new and beautiful.  
Andy was talking to Juliet over the phone. Why didn’t he just tell that he liked her? She liked him. He liked her. Everybody knew except for them. They were together a lot. They even went to the movies a few times and claimed that they went as ‘just friends’.  
Cream was already asleep in his bunk bed, his little curtain was closed and I could hear his breathing. I felt a little bit lonely, Cream had a lot of friends, always, everywhere. The three of us were always together but there were at least one other friend of Cream with us.  
Andy had Juliet, he texted her, she texted him. They talked every day and Andy could not shut up about her. I didn’t have any other friend then Andy and Cream. I didn’t have a crush on someone, I would like to be in a relationship. I just can’t find someone I like. I have always been this way.


	2. day two

“Look there’s a zoo!” Cream loves to go to the zoo. He looked out of the widow, then at me, then at Andy. He looked cute when he was excited. That’s normal to think of your friend, right?  
Andy sighed. “Okay we’ll go to the zoo”. He smiled. Andy had that ‘perfect’ smile that everybody wanted. Just like his face, perfect, flawless, except for his front teeth. His front teeth are not the same length, everybody always thought it was cute. Yeah he was ‘that boy’ with the perfect face, body and smile.  
Cream cheered like a little kid. He was childish sometimes. He put on the fluffy hat that he always wore. Most of his friends didn’t know what his hair looked like. I did, Andy did, and we were glad he put that hat on to cover it. He had a really bad haircut.  
I checked my hair in the small mirror in the bathroom. It looked fine, my hair was nothing really special. Black, smooth, with wings. I fixed my glasses and walked outside to join Andy and Cream.

Inside of the zoo, we first walked to the giraffes. Andy loved them, probably because they’re so tall just like Andy. Andy was 6’3, the tallest of the group, I was 6 foot and Cream was even smaller. I wanted to go to the miniature horses, I loved them! They are so cute and funny to see!   
We wandered around the zoo for a few hours, until we got hungry and decided to go to the little restaurant inside the zoo. We found it pretty quick and sat down at a table on the inside.  
“Something cheap and easy to eat”, I mumbled while looking at the menu.   
“Sandwiches?” Andy asked as he looked at me and Cream.  
“Sounds good!”   
“Or mini pizzas?” Cream said.  
“Too expensive”, I answered.  
“Fine, sandwiches it is”, He agreed.  
“Juliet loves sandwiches”, Andy said with a dreamy and a bit of a sad look in his eyes.  
We ordered and eat our sandwiches while looking at the people walking by. I like to think about all those people. Why are they here? How are they feeling? Is that a fake smile? Who’s with them? All those questions, no answers. It was a little frustrating sometimes.   
“Liiiinnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkk”, Andy waved at me.  
“What?” I looked around, Cream and Andy stared at me.  
“As I was saying”, Andy kept talking. “We should go back to the bus, with this speed we’ll not arrive in LA till next week!”   
“Does that really matter?” I asked.  
“Yes, I don’t want to be away for too long.”  
I looked down to my empty plate. What was that supposed to mean?

It was Cream’s turn to drive so Andy and I did a card game. Andy won all the time.  
Cream yawned and stretched a little bit.  
“Don’t be tired while driving! Pull over!” Andy screamed, scaring both, me and Cream.  
Cream pulled over and said: “Sorry, I’m just a little bit tired that’s all. I can drive, I just need some coffee!”  
“No it’s not save and you’re not allowed to drink coffee while driving. Let’s go to sleep”  
We looked each other in the eyes and knew what that meant. I quickly run to the bathroom and locked it. First!  
I took off my shirt and looked in the mirror, I have a horrible body. I changed in pajamas, brushed my teeth and took off my glasses. I looked into the mirror. Why wasn’t I feeling happy? I should be, my dream is coming true. I sighed and stared to my sad, blue eyes in the reflection of the mirror. I fake smiled at myself in the mirror to check if I could still do that. Well I could, my fake smile was perfect. It looked so real!  
I walked out of the bathroom to my bunk bed. I felt a stare on me so I looked around. Cream. He looked away as soon as we locked eyes. What was that? Did I have something on my face?  
I stepped into my bunk bed and closed the curtain. Andy got ready for bed and after that Cream. I listened to them making soft noises, it was comforting to have my friends so close.   
We talked about everything and everyone (cough Juliet cough) before the three of us drifted off to sleep. Well the two of them, I just had trouble sleeping because of the heat in the bus.


	3. day three

I heard a noise in the bus. I growled. Why was everybody so loud all the time! I had the worst headache ever and all noises hurt. Why did I have a headache so sudden? I brought my hands to my face to rub the sleep away and felt dried tears on my cheeks. Did I cry in my sleep? I couldn’t remember my dream. Was it a sad dream? Probably.  
“Link, you awake. We’re going to get breakfast in the snack bar. Do you want anything?” Andy creamed from the front of the bus.  
I growled as an answer and came out of my bunk bed. “I’ll come with you, I don’t want chicken nuggets as breakfast ever again”.  
Andy and Cream laughed. They once bought me nuggets as breakfast. Worst prank ever!  
I quickly changed into normal clothes and did my hair. “Okay ready to go”, I mumbled as I put on my glasses and walked over to the front of the bus.

We walked to a white building with a lot of windows. It looked exactly as you would expect a snack bar to look like. There were a few people outside eating, but one person caught my attention. It was a man, maybe 24 years old. Not that old. He had dirty blond hair that pointed upwards, he also had a small beard but the most amazing thing about him was his guitar. He played his acoustic guitar amazing! I didn’t care about my headache anymore, I just wanted to listen to him play. He was… perfect.   
I stared at him. His dirty fingers, his greasy hair, his big, blue eyes. He looked at me and I just could not look away, all I could think was: wow. A weird feeling spread through my body, I wanted to walk up to him, hug him, talk to him and tell him how beautiful he was! My body did nothing, it did not react to my brain anymore.  
“Link?” Cream asked. “Everything okay?”  
I woke up from my thoughts. “Yeah sure. Why don’t you guys go inside to get the food and I’ll stay outside to seek a table, okay?”  
Andy and Cream looked suspiciously at me but nodded and walked to the door. Cream turned around and looked me in the eye, like he was about to say something. He didn’t, he turned around again and followed Andy inside.  
I turned to the strange man again and searched for a table near him. He was standing next to a wall with his guitar case in front of him for tips. Some people had giving him money, but it wasn’t much. The blond man looked a bit dirty like he hadn’t showered for a few days. I looked around there were no houses anywhere, no place to live. Where did he come from? Where was he going? Who was he? I stared at him and listened to the song he was playing until Andy and Cream came back with food.  
“We got you ice cream and some fries!” Cream laughed.  
“Juliet loves her fries like that”, Andy said, he looked a bit sad.  
I sighed. Why did I let them get breakfast for me again? “Well thank you guys”.   
While eating I noticed that the man was staring at our food. Was he hungry? Can you just ask people if they’re hungry or is that weird?  
“Guys I think he is hungry”, I whispered.  
“Should we give him some food or money?” Andy asked.  
“No, he can figure it out himself, we don’t have enough money to give other people it and feed ourselves”, Cream whispered back.  
“We need to help him guys. Let’s talk to him”, I decided.  
Cream sighed and Andy didn’t look so sure about this, but I didn’t care. I wanted to talk to the strange man.  
I turned to the strange, bearded man. “Hi. Want to sit with us?” I asked him. I smiled to him. How could I do anything but smile at a face like that, he was beautiful?  
The man looked at me and my friends. He was a bit shy, cute! “O-Okay”, he said with a soft, low voice.  
We sat down at the round table, I sat between Andy and the man, and he sat next to Cream.  
“Hi”, Andy said to start a conversation. “I’m Andy, this is Link and this one here is called Cream”. He pointed to me and Cream. “What’s your name?”  
“My n-name is Rhett”, Rhett mumbled.  
Rhett what a beautiful name, I’ve never heard it before.  
“Nice to meet you Rhett”, Cream spoke. “Fries?”  
Rhett looked at the fries that Cream gave him. “Thank you”, he smiled a bit. He eat one of the fries and looked at me without saying anything.  
“I like your guitar play”, I said to him, looking at the guitar on his lap.  
“Thanks”, he said quietly.  
“Why are you playing next to a snack bar in the middle of nowhere? You are way too talented for that!” Cream suddenly said. ‘You can’t just ask people that!’I almost screamed. How rude.  
Without looking at Cream, Rhett said: “I’m saving up money so I can take the bus”.  
“Where are you going?” Andy asked.  
“LA”, he simply answered.  
“We are too!” I almost screamed it out. I shouldn’t have done that. People were staring at us.  
“Yeah, you can travel with us! We have a bunk bed left in our bus”, Andy said. I’m so happy he’s my friend sometimes.  
Rhett didn’t look so sure about it, but after giving it some thought he nodded and said: “Okay, do I need to pay?”  
“Of course not!” I said and smiled at him. He smiled back shyly.  
Rhett had yellowish teeth, like he didn’t brush them often. He also had bags under his eyes and dried lips, he looked like a runaway. Not our kind of runaway, but an it’s-now-or-never-I-don’t-have-time-to-pack-anything kind of runaway. He was on the run for something or someone and I could just feel it! 

Andy sat down in the driver’s seat while Cream, Rhett and I walked to the bunk beds to show Rhett his bed. We also showed him where to put his stuff and the bathroom.  
“Any questions?” I asked.  
“Is it okay to play guitar on the bus?” Rhett asked shyly.   
“Only if it is as good as what you were playing next to the snack bar.” I winked.  
Rhett smiled and looked away. It was probably a fake smile.  
I sat down in a chair and looked at Rhett. He didn’t notice, he got his guitar out of the case and finally looked at me.  
“Do you know the song: ‘missing you’ by All Time Low?” he asked.  
“Yeah, why”, I answered.  
Cream looked at us. He loved All Time Low.  
Rhett started playing the first chords and soon the four of us were singing.

I heard that you've been  
Self-medicating in the quiet of your room,   
Your sweet, suburban tomb.  
And if you need a friend,   
I'll help you stitch up your wounds.

I heard that you've been  
Having some trouble finding your place in the world.  
I know how much that hurts,   
But if you need a friend  
Then please just say the word...

You've come this far,  
You're all cleaned up,  
You've made a mess again,  
There's no more trying,  
Time to sort yourself out...

Hold on tight,  
This ride is a wild one,  
Make no mistake,  
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,  
Now don't lose your fight, kid,  
It only takes a little push to pull on through,  
With so much left to do;  
You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you.

I heard that you've been  
Having some trouble finding your place in the world,  
I know how much that hurts,   
And if you need a friend  
Then please just say the word...

You've come this far,  
You're all cleaned up,  
You've made a mess again,  
There's no more trying,  
Time to sort yourself out...

Hold on tight,  
This ride is a wild one,  
Make no mistake,  
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,  
Now don't lose your fight, kid,  
It only takes a little push to pull on through,  
With so much left to do;  
You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you.

Grit your teeth, pull your hair,  
Paint the walls black and scream, "Fuck the world  
'Cause it's my life, I'm gonna take it back,"  
And never for a second blame yourself.

Hold on tight,  
This ride is a wild one,  
Make no mistake,  
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,  
(no, you can't cover up)  
(one, two, three, four!)

Hold on tight,  
This ride is a wild one (this ride is a wild one),  
Make no mistake,  
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,  
Now don't lose your fight, kid (don't lose your fight, kid),  
It only takes a little push to pull on through (push to pull on through),  
With so much left to do;  
You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you

I loved singing and I loved hearing Rhett sing. I stared at him the whole song long. I wasn’t the only one staring while singing, I felt a stare on me during the song. It was Cream. Why was he staring at me? Was there something on my face?  
I excused myself to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There was nothing on my face. Just same, old me. Boring, normal and a bit depressing. I hated how I looked, but I would never change it. I hate change. Yes I am THAT person. I don’t like change. I don’t like different. I hate it when things change or don’t go my way. That angry feeling has been inside as long as I can remember, but I gave up hope to let things go my way a long time ago. I just let it crash over me as a wave and pretend that I’m okay with it. I’m not okay. Everything has to go my way! It’s the only right way and the only way to make me happy.  
I almost started crying, but then I remembered that I had to go back outside to the others. I let out a deep shaky breath, flushed the toilet to make it sound like I actually peed and put on fake smile before getting out of the bathroom.

I couldn’t sleep. Rhett was so close to me right now! My heart couldn’t take the image of a sleeping Rhett. He was so cute. The most adorable human ever!  
I sighed and got up. What should I do? Go outside for a walk? There’s probably no one there so I could do that. I saw that Cream had forgotten to close the little curtain to cover his bunk bed. I looked at him as I walked past. He looked so cute that I just couldn’t help myself.

I walked outside of the bus and sat down at the ground. The silence was comforting. The stars were beautiful, I was able see many more stars here then at home. It was night but wasn’t cold, the grass was soft and the cool breeze made me a bit sleepy.  
What was I doing? I missed my family. I had to go back. What was I going to do when I arrived in LA? I couldn’t just get a job. I should have just gone to college. What was I doing with my life?  
I started crying. First only one tear, but soon a stream of tears followed. Suddenly a Bring Me The Horizon song came up in my head. 

You can run but you’ll never escape.  
Over and over again  
Will we ever see the end?   
We’re going nowhere  
This is sempiternal  
Will we ever see the end?   
Over and over, again and again. 

That was what I was doing, trying to run for my feelings. That’s impossible. Leaving your life behind doesn’t mean leaving yourself behind. I need to face my feelings, but not today.  
I dried my eyes and went inside to sleep for a bit, but I already knew that would just lie awake some more.


	4. day four

“Morning sunshine.”  
“Wh-what?” I blinked a few times and saw Cream standing next my bunk bed.  
He pushed a cup of coffee in my hands, smiled at me and walked away. He was so helpful sometimes, I understood why he had so many friends. I drank my coffee and stepped out of bed. My feet where dirty from last night. I just hoped that nobody saw it while I walked to the bathroom. I washed my feet, brushed my teeth, did my hair and put on clean clothes. I had to look good for Rhett, so I had put on green T-shirt. It looked good on me.  
When I walked out of the bathroom, I saw Andy talking on the phone. He was talking to Juliet. Andy was wearing black ripped skinny jeans and a tank top. Tank tops were amazing on him because of his tattoos.   
Cream was driving and Rhett was eating breakfast. My heart jumped as I saw him. Every time I looked at him I fell in love again. He was so beautiful, even with his bed hair, tired eyes and cereal in his beard. He was the most amazing human on Earth!   
“Morning”, I smiled, sitting down next him.  
He looked at me, smiled and looked away. “Hi”.  
“How did you sleep?”  
“I slept well. You?”  
“I’m glad to hear that! How’s breakfast?”  
“It’s good”. Rhett nodded while smiling. He looked me in the eye for a second. My heart did a flip when he did that.  
Andy sat down next to us. “Juliet said she misses me! Is it weird that I’m happy with that? I don’t want her to be sad, but I just like the idea that she wants me in her life.” He just kept talking about Juliet.  
“Listen up!” I said. “Juliet likes you and you like Juliet. It’s clear that you like each other and everybody knows it. Why aren’t you together yet? Just ask her out! ”  
Andy seemed a little bit shocked but answered: “Fine, I’ll do it next time I see her.” He looked away and swallowed. “I just miss her, okay. I really, really like her and I want to be sure that she likes me.”  
I hugged Andy. “She likes you and you deserve to be happy with her but please don’t talk about her all the time.” I let Andy go and looked him in the eye. “Go call her and tell Juliet that you like her.”  
Andy smiled. “Okay.” He walked away.  
I looked at him as he walked away with the happiest face ever. “You should see them together. They look like they’re already a couple. So cute! Do you have a special someone?” I looked at Rhett.  
“Yeah… no... I don’t know. I don’t think so.” He looked away with sad eyes.  
“What do you mean?” I asked.  
“Nothing.” He stood up and walked away with his empty bowl.  
Does he have a secret? Did someone die? Or was it just a really bad breakup? 

“Today we’re going to explore the desert!” Cream shouted proud.  
I barely noticed that we were in a freaking desert right now! I was thinking about Rhett al morning. What was wrong with him?   
Cream, Rhett and I were about to walk away when Andy pulled me back.  
“You guys can start. We’ll catch up later”, Andy screamed to Cream and Rhett. They looked at us and walked away.  
I assumed it was about Juliet so didn’t question his behavior.  
“Look”, Andy said. He showed me a secret drawer on the inside of the bus, under his bunk bed. He opened it.  
“Beer?” I almost screamed.”We were not supposed to drink during the road trip!”  
“Hush. I got something planned tonight.”  
I didn’t trust this smile, it looked like he was going to kill batman.   
“Okay”, I mumbled.  
We walked outside and run to Cream and Rhett who were not that far away. They probably walked really slowly for us.  
While walking I stared at Rhett. He looked like he had trouble walking, like his legs weren’t strong enough for his weight. Maybe it was just because of sand we were walking in.

It was 3 P.M. when we came back to the bus. Sweaty, thirsty, tired and all with a headache. We decided that we should all drink something and go to bed to take a nap. I looked at Rhett. Even sweaty he was the most amazing man on Earth. His eyes were a beautiful color gray and his hair looked perfect in the sunlight. I could watch him all day without getting bored.  
I drank two glasses of water and went to bed. What was Andy planning on doing tonight? Why doesn’t Rhett want to talk about relationships? Why is Cream looking at me all the time? Why was everyone acting so weird? What was going on?   
I just couldn’t sleep so I waited ‘till I heard someone wake up. It was Andy.  
“Hi. You ready for the best night ever?” He asked. He looked really excited about tonight.  
“Fuck yeah.” I fake smiled at Andy who was grinning like the Cheshire cat.  
“Let’s wake the others!”  
I walked over to Rhett, he looked so while sleeping my heart just made a double flip before I could say something. “Rhett, you gotta wake up. It’s party time.”  
Rhett eyes flushed open. I probably scared him. Rhett came out of his bunk bed and stretched. “What do you mean party?”  
“I don’t know. Andy planned it.”  
By now Cream was awake too and Andy told us to close our eyes. I heard a drawer open and bottles were placed on the table next to us. After the drawer closed we were told to open our eyes.  
“Beer? We said no alcohol during the road trip!” Cream seemed shocked and confused.   
Rhett just looked scared. Why?  
“Come on guys, just for once. Let’s just get hammered, play some party games dance a little. Just for fun.”Andy tried to get us to drink alcohol. I was pretty angry with him, Rhett and Cream didn’t want to drink. Why was he making them?  
He opened a bottle and gave it to me with his perfect, dreamy smile. “Link wants a drink, right?”   
I fake smiled. “Yeah, thanks.”  
Cream looked at me in shock but grabbed a bottle from the table. I guess he was curious. Rhett looked at the bottles, it was obvious that he didn’t want to drink. Maybe he had a bad experience once, or he had never drank before. Rhett grabbed a bottle with a fearful look in his eyes. I wanted to stop him, to hug him, to tell him that it is okay to be scared and to tell him that he didn’t have to drink if he didn’t want to. I did nothing. I just stood there and watched him with my own bottle in my hand.  
Andy took a sip. I was sure he has been drunk before. Rhett and Cream opened their bottles and I begun to really smell the alcohol in the bus.  
Andy put on some music to make this ‘party’ less awkward. It worked. We danced a bit and after a while I forgot that the bottle in my hand contained beer. I took a sip. It tasted bitter and dry, not really nice. I took another sip anyways, it felt great to drink it. I felt mature and grown up, but also a little weird. My head felt lighter than normal, I didn’t like it.   
“Come on finish your bottle. We have enough for a whole night!” Andy screamed to me. The music was really loud so he had to scream for me to hear it.  
I didn’t want to drink so I just laughed and nodded until Andy looked away. I emptied my bottle in the trashcan and walked to the table for a new bottle.  
“Wow that was quick, you must have really necked that drink. Here’s a new one”, Andy laughed. He gave me an open bottle and turned up the music some more.  
I just stood there and watched my friends get drunk for a little bit more than an hour. I felt awkward. Maybe Rhett wanted to dance, he was really drunk. I walked over to him and smiled. “Want to dance together?”  
“Sure”, Rhett answered without looking at me. He smiled a cute but drunk smile.   
Rhett’s drunken dance was a little weird but it was fine, because I could look at him as much as I wanted. His body moved with the music and I got caught up in it. His muscles, his moves, his everything. I just wanted to grab his body and bring it closer to me. I wanted to hold it, I wanted it to be mine. I looked at his face, took in every detail, every aspect of his skin, beard, eyes and hair. His eyes were blue and gray at the same time, they were beautiful. I have never seen eyes like his before. His skin was pale a bit gray-ish, should I worry? He had a beard in the same color as his hair, it framed his face like a painting. Dirty blond hair that pointing to the sky to make the tall man look even taller.  
While dancing Rhett pulled off his hoodie, exposing his arms. Bruises, bruises all over his arms. I stared at it in shock. Who did that to him?   
Rhett noticed my stare and looked at me in fear. He run away, out of the bus. I followed him.  
“Wait guys. What are you doing?” Cream screamed at us.  
“Don’t worry. We’ll be back in a minute”, I shouted back. I saw Rhett fall over a few meters away from the bus. He was too drunk to run.  
I sat down next to Rhett, who was trying to get up. I held him down.  
“Please don’t run away”, I whispered, “I know I can’t make you stay since you’re a grown man, but please don’t leave me here.” I looked him in the eye and he looked back with tears rolling down his cheeks into his beard.  
He sat up. We were sitting in warm sand in the middle of a desert. It was comfortable enough for me to sit and listen to Rhett’s explanation.  
“I’m sorry”, he whispered. His breath smelled like alcohol.  
“Can you explain what happened to you arms?” I asked carefully.  
Rhett blinked and looked like he was trying to remember something. He pulled up his shirt. His torso was covered in bruises, they were purple, blue and some were so dark that they were almost black!  
I stared at him in shock while tears welled up in my eyes. I shook my head. Who would something like this to him? And why?  
“Who did this?” My voice broke by the last word. A tear fell down in my lap.  
“My boyfriend”, Rhett looked away, “He locked me up in my own home, he abused me and raped me”. He started to sob.  
At first I couldn’t move. I wanted to punch that so called ‘boyfriend’! I hugged Rhett, held him close, let him cry. Sometimes I mumbled something to calm him like: ‘shhhh it’s going to be okay’ or ‘you’re save now’.  
I laid my head on top of his and asked: “How did you get away?”  
“I jumped out of the window when Eddie wasn’t home. I was so scared.” He cried into my chest and kept sobbing.  
“You’re save now. You’re with me. Eddie is not going to find you, I promise.” I didn’t think it really calmed him down but I tried, right?  
“You don’t understand”, Rhett sobbed, “I love him. I love Eddie and I want him close to me, but I’m afraid of him. He locked me up in my own room and I could never leave the house. I could only leave my room if he was home and every time I did something wrong he beat me up. I don’t know where to go now. I never thought I could leave the house, so I never really made a plan. I didn’t pack much, just my guitar, a little money and a bottle of water. I just run away. He probably misses me right now. I let him down and started to run. I never mend to be his pain, oh my god what have I become? He needs me. I have to go back!” He pushed me away and jumped up, but fell over as soon as he stood.  
I grabbed Rhett again and held him close to me. “Shhhhhh. Calm down. Whatever you do, do NOT go back to your boyfriend. He is dangerous. He doesn’t need you and he doesn’t love you. Please listen to me. “I looked Rhett in his beautiful eyes. “Will you please promise me that you will not go back?” I laid my hands on both his hairy cheeks. So soft, yet so rough. I wondered what that would feel like against my cheeks.  
Rhett stared at me. There was a cold breeze and he shuddered. It was dark outside and the only light came from the bus. It reflected in his eyes and in the tears on his cheeks.  
“I promise”, he whispered. He wrapped his arms around me. Rhett felt warm and soft, like a teddy bear. I felt him calm down in my arms and he stopped sobbing.  
“Let’s go back inside, it’s cold out here”, I said.  
Rhett blink a few times, he seemed sleepy. “The others are probably worried”.  
We let go of each other and stood up. Rhett looked at me with his beautiful eyes. I stared into them. I suddenly realized that we could hear the music from the bus the whole time. I didn’t pay attention to it before this moment. 

Eyes like a car crash  
I know I shouldn’t look but I can’t turn away  
Body like a whiplash  
Salt my wounds but I can’t heal the way  
I feel about you

Gosh! Why now? A love song, seriously?   
I was too overwhelmed by this whole moment to move, but Rhett broke eye contact.  
“Let’s just go”, He said, looking away from me.  
“Yeah, sure”, I was a bit disappointed but I understood. What did I expect? He laterally just told me about his abusive relationship and I expected him to mindlessly fall in love again? I cursed myself. How could I ever think something like that? That was wrong. I was disgusted by myself.  
When we walked into the bus Andy and Cream were sitting on the floor with bottle in their hands. They were talking.  
“And that’s how I met Juliet”, Andy just finished a story. “And what about you. Do you have a special someone?”  
“Well, I… Hi Link, Rhett! You’re back!” Cream sounded surprised. What was he about to say?  
“Yeah we just went for a walk”, I lied.  
“Okay”. Cream sounded drunk. He stared at me while Rhett and I walked past him and Andy to go to the back of the bus.  
Cream was pretty cute. Just sitting there, talking to Andy. It made me want to sit there instead of Andy, but I also wanted to be in the back of the bus staring into Rhett’s eyes. What was going on? I looked at Rhett. His beautiful eyes, his cute beard, his soft pink lips, he was too cute and too beautiful to be real. He was like a dream and I never wanted to wake up.


	5. day five

We were almost there. Just today and tomorrow, we’ll arrive in LA in the afternoon. What are we going to do when we arrive? Stay in a hotel? I don’t know yet, but we’ll figure it out. No one was awake but me and I was sure they’ll wake up with a hangover so I had to drive that day. I didn’t mind. I enjoyed driving a lot, but Andy was a better driver so he drove all the time.  
I stood up and made some coffee for myself. It was nice, having the bus for myself. Well, not entirely for myself but as long as I kept quiet I would be alone. I made some cereal and got myself ready for the day. I put on a camouflage T-shirt with a Star Wars-logo and a pair of jeans.  
I sat down in the driver seat and started the bus.

After a while of driving I heard a noise behind me.  
“What time is it?” Rhett’s voice asked.  
“I don’t know”, I answered.  
“I’m going to back to bed. I have a head ache and I can’t remember anything that happened last night.”  
That last thing kind of broke my heart. I don’t know why, nothing really happened last night. It was just, I don’t know. Maybe I hoped that he would remember the looks and the hugs. Or maybe the talk. Does he know that I know his past now? A car passed the bus and I realized that I my mind had drifted off and the bus was going really slow. I had to get my mind under control.  
I decided to put on some music. I lowered the volume to 11 on my phone and clicked shuffle. I heard the first tone and recognized it immediately. A love song, again?

I can’t fight this feeling any longer  
And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow  
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show  
tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I say there is no reason for my fear  
'Cause I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction  
You make everything so clear

‘Nope. Nope. Nope. Not doing this’, I thought to myself as I turned off the music. I did not need that crap right now. I just kept driving for another two hours, before I took a break and pulled over.  
“Hi Link”, Andy said with a morning voice. He cleared his throat. “How long have you been awake?”  
“A few hours. You? I didn’t hear you wake up”.  
Andy stood up from the chair he was sitting in. He was wearing his pastel black pajamas and hair was a mess. “For about an hour, I think.”   
I looked at the bunk beds with the closed curtains. Rhett and Cream were behind those curtains, I wanted to hug them both. That’s not normal right? I want to cuddle with two people at the same time. I have to choose at some point and I think I want Rhett but maybe Cream is a better idea. Less trouble, I know him really well.  
“Is something wrong?” Andy said, waking me up from my thoughts.  
“No nothing.” I smiled.   
“I don’t believe you, but if you don’t want to talk I’ll leave you alone. Bye.” And with that Andy walked away to the bathroom.  
I just stood there. He knew me way too well. I should act happier, I’m making Andy worry. Maybe he doesn’t care about me, but I can’t risk it. I don’t want him to be sad. I don’t want anyone to be sad. I can’t tell people my problems! If I let anyone in, they would just want out. If I told them the truth, they’d vie for a lie. If I would spill my guts, it would make a mess that I can’t clean up. If anyone followed me, they’d only get lost. If someone tries to get closer, we only lost touch. Why am I this way? Why am I not happier? Why can’t I just love one person? It wasn’t supposed to go this way! I was supposed to be happy and go on a road trip with my best friends and after that live together forever! Why was everything falling apart? What was wrong with me?

I walked out off the bus and sat down in the warm sand. The sun was burning hot and the cars made loud noises when passing by. We shouldn’t stay here for too long. We shouldn’t do that anyway, because we were really close to LA and we planned on arriving tomorrow.  
I walked back inside the bus and wanted to sit down on the driver’s seat, but there was someone in there.  
“Good you’re here, now we can carry on with the road trip”, Cream said, smiling at me with the cutest turtle-smile ever. His eyes were amazing. Big and dark brown. Beautiful.  
I walked to the bathroom and locked to door. As soon as the door was locked, I started crying. I tried not to make sound, but it was hard. I pressed my face into a towel to make myself stop crying. I was a useless piece of shit. How was I ever going to fix this? I can’t fall in love with two people at once! Maybe I should just let it go, but that will just end up the same way as now. I’m trying to escape from the problems at home and I get problems here. It will always be this way. Maybe I should end it. I pushed my face into the towel even harder. I couldn’t breathe. It felt nice. What would it be like to never breathe again? Who would miss me? Probably nobody. Nobody loves me. Everyone will just carry on with their lives without me. They all secretly hate me, but they feel bad for me so they lie that they want to be my friend. Liars. Maybe I should just die.  
There were four knocks on the door. “Link? Are you in there?” Andy’s voice asked. “We stopped the bus to explore a canyon. Rhett and Cream already gone. I thought that maybe you wanted some time off. Would you please open the door and talk to me? Please?”  
I dried my tears and unlocked the door. Andy opened the door, looked at my face and hugged me. I hugged him back and started crying again. He held me even closer.  
“What‘s wrong, Link. Will you please tell me”, Andy asked.  
“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain”, I answered.  
“We got all the time in the world. Tell me everything.”  
I wasn’t so sure, but I decided to tell Andy half of the story. Just the stuff about my worries about the future, my nostalgia, my depression and the frustration because of the worries. I didn’t tell him about Rhett or Cream. I just wasn’t comfortable enough to tell that. It was nice talking to someone. Andy was one of my best friends and he always will be. If thing stay complicated like with Cream, at least Andy and I will still live together in LA. Maybe things will work out, I really hope so. I want to fight for that.

“We’ll arrive in LA tomorrow”, Cream spoke as we sat on a cliff with our feet dangling off the edge. The sun was setting, but it was still warm. We were miles away from the road so there were no sounds around us. The view was beautiful, the canyon was big and breathtaking, and the sun was setting in front of us so the sunlight warmed our faces. I sat between Rhett and Cream and I couldn’t decide who I wanted to wrap my arms around more. Did I like both of them?  
“Everything will change. We’ll get a new life, a new home, a job maybe. I enjoyed our time on the road, I will miss it”, Cream carried on. He stared at the canyon with a frown. He was thinking deep thoughts.  
“Does that mean goodbye?”Rhett asked, looking at me. He looked like he was begging me to say no to him, he wanted to stay with me I think. Does that mean he liked me?  
“No don’t say goodbye. We can stay together, the four of us I mean.” I said. I looked into the canyon. I wanted him to stay with me.  
No one said something for a while, but we were all thinking the same thought: this is the end of something. I didn’t know what that ‘something’ was but it would end when we arrive. And I will be sad about it.


	6. day six

A nice smell, warmth, something soft against me, it moved, it lived!  
I quickly opened my eyes just to see Cream cuddled up against me. What?! The curtains of my bed were open and it was still dark inside the bus so it must have been early. The others were probably asleep.  
What should I do? Wake him up and screw up the moment or wait till everyone is awake so they can see us and it’ll be awkward forever.  
My arms were wrapped around Cream’s body. He felt warm and soft. I never wanted to let him go, ever. I held him tighter with waking him up. I breathed in his smell, felt his skin, kissed the back of his neck and wondered how we ended up here. All I remember from last is that we were all really tired and no one wanted to even brush their teeth before bed.  
I kissed the back of Cream’s neck again the soft skin against my lips felt amazing, I never wanted to stop. I stopped. What if Cream woke up and was just kissing him neck? That would be weird right? I laid my head down on the pillow and smelled his hair again. I closed my eyes and thought about Rhett. What would his hair smell like? What would his skin feel like? Would I be the big or the little spoon?  
I felt Cream move. He turned around in his sleep. I opened my eyes. I faced his face now, it was like a few inches away from me. His eyes were closed so I couldn’t see his beautiful eyes. With every breath his face moved a little bit. His brown hair was messy, but still beautiful. His big, pink lips parted a little bit. He yawned. He was waking up! Oh gosh no! I quickly closed my eyes again so it seemed like I was asleep. The bus was silent for a moment.  
“Link?” a tired voice asked me.  
I didn’t react.  
“Wake up,” Cream whispered a little louder.  
I slowly opened my eyes and yawned to make it seem like I just woke up. “Cream? What is going on? Why are you in my bed?” I whispered with a sleepy voice.  
“I don’t know, but will you please let me go. I don’t want the others to see us like this.”  
I quickly let go so seemed like I just realized I was holding him. So he didn’t want the others to see us like this right? Why was that?   
Cream climbed out of my bed and looked me in the eye. He leaned forwards and gave me a kiss on my cheek before walking away. The kiss burned my skin, but in a nice and good way. I did not know what to do now. Should I go after him? Should I never talk about this again? Does this means that he likes me? Are we together now? Is liking Rhett wrong now?   
I stared at my pillow for a while. ‘I need to get out of bed’, I thought to myself. I hoped someone else would drive today, because I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t want to drive my group of friends into our new life away from our old ones. I just felt like an end. It wasn’t supposed to be an end, but a beginning! 

After I took a shower and changed into a green T-shirt and a pair of jeans, I sat down the chair right behind the driver’s seat. I looked at the gray, fluffy hat peaking out above the back of the chair. Cream was driving.  
“Hi. That shirt looks good on you”, Cream said. “Let’s pull over at that gas station and take a walk.”  
“Yeah, let’s do that”, I said softly. I didn’t know why I was shy all of a sudden, but I was.  
Cream pulled over at the gas station and looked at me. “I think we need to talk, but it’s okay if you’re not ready. It’s okay if you want to think about everything first. No pressure.”  
I just sat there and stared at Cream with an open mouth. “Yes. We need to talk. I think I want to do it.”  
“Let’s go outside”, he stood up and walked to the door. He held it open for me as I walked outside. He really was a gentleman! So sweet.  
We walked over to a small brick wall and sat down.  
Cream started talking. “I don’t know what happened last night, but I don’t think it’s something to worry about.” He sighed, I could see that this was really hard for him. “What really wanted to talk to you about is actually…” he stopped talking. He looked down and into my eyes again, he looked confused. “I don’t know how to say this.”  
“Just say it. I don’t care what you’re about to say, I just want to know what is happening between us.”  
“So you feel it too? Good, because I was really worried. I wanted to ask you something.” He paused. “Do you like me?”  
I knew this was about to come, but it hit me in the face like a wet towel. I thought about Rhett and about the future I could have with Cream and about the amazing relationship I could have with Rhett and how well Cream and I already knew each other. It was all too much.  
“Well?” Cream asked, waking me up from my thoughts. He looked… well I don’t know how to describe it but he looked at little sad, a little hurt, a little upset and a little disappointed. “Do you hate me now?” I saw tears in his eyes. No! Please don’t cry! Oh no, what have I done?  
“It’s complicated” I answered. I really hated myself at that moment. Cream looked confused. “You know it’s … it’s… it’s Rhett.”  
“Of course it’s him. I knew it!” Cream said loudly. Tears rolled over his cheeks. He was about to stand up and walk away as I pushed him down again.  
“It’s not like that”, I said. Why did I say that? What was I about to say next? I was so stupid.  
“Than what is it? Cream angrily asked. There were still tears on his face. I have never seen him this hurt before. And I have known him for a long time.  
“I do really like you”. Cream looked even more confused than before. “But I also like Rhett. I like both of you, okay? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I like two people at the same time!” I stood up and started to walk away. Cream grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around to face me.  
“It’s okay to like two people at the same time. It is perfectly normal. Some people even get married with two people at the same time. It is okay, Link. You’re perfect to me and I don’t mind sharing you with Rhett if he’s okay with it too.”  
That was what I needed to hear. I’ll be okay. I like Cream and Rhett and I’m proud. A single tear escaped my eye. Cream looked at my lips and then into my eyes.  
“Is it okay... I mean… can I kiss you?” He asked shyly.  
I smiled at him. “Yes.”   
Cream came closer to my face. I felt his breath on my skin, I smelled his cologne, and it was perfect. He pressed his lips against my lips. His lips were soft and full. I felt nothing, well I felt his lips but there was no special feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the feeling of him close to me. It just didn’t feel like it supposed to, like in books and movies. What was wrong with me?  
Cream pulled back. He smiled and giggled a little bit. “That was amazing!” He looked so in love with me at that moment.   
What was I supposed to say now? Help! “Yeah it was”, I awkwardly said. I fake smiled to Cream’s beautiful face. I could just drown in those big, brown eyes. I really liked his face, his drawn-on eyebrows, his cute, big nose, his deep eyes, his cheekbones, his skin, his everything. He hugged me and I held my face close to his. I gave him some butterfly kisses on his temple. Cream giggled.  
“Guys, we’re leaving without you if you don’t come inside”, Andy screamed at us. Was he watching us?   
I looked at Cream. He grabbed my hand and we walked to the bus. OMG he was holding my hand! His hand was soft and small and cute! It was amazing to do this in public. I was holding a boy’s hand!  
Rhett looked at us as we entered the bus. He looked hurt. Oh no! Rhett scratched the back of his neck and turned around to walk away. I looked at Cream. He gave me a look that said: ‘go after him’. I gave Cream a small smile as a thank you. I could imagine that sharing a person must be hard. Even if you really like them, it is just hard.  
I followed Rhett to the back of the bus where he sat down on his bed. “Hi Rhett. We need to talk”, I said with a soft voice. This was going to be a shitty conversation.   
“I don’t think so and I don’t want to. Just leave me alone”, Rhett angrily said.   
“No”, I simply said. “You’ve been hurt a lot in the past, but not today. Today you will not lose your faith in love. Okay? I don’t want you to feel sad. I want you to be happy and I want to be the reason for your happiness.”  
“I saw you and Cream outside the bus, lair. I bet you said the same to him.” He looked at me with tears in his eyes. “And how do know my past. You don’t know anything.” He started crying. “I know it’s you and Cream, please don’t give me false hope.”  
Seeing Rhett this sad made me want to cry. “I’m not giving you false hope”, I whispered. “And yes it is Cream and me, but I also like you. I told Cream that I like you and he’s fine with it. I hope you are too, because it would make me so happy if we could be together.” I saw he face light up a little bit more with every word I said. “Please don’t say no. I know that it may feel strange, but we’ll get used to it. Imagine the three of us in a relationship. That would be awesome, right?”  
“Yeah, I guess. I like you, Link. It is hard for me to say that, but it is true. I like you a lot.” I felt warm inside. He liked me! “What will happen when we arrive in LA? I probably fucked up your plans.” He looked sad again.  
“We didn’t really have plans anyways, so you didn’t fuck up anything.” That was a lie, he did fuck up something: my feelings. “We were just going to find an apartment and live there. Now the four of us can live together!” I smiled to Rhett. I really wanted to live together with him.  
“That would be so cool,” Rhett said smiling at me. He tilted his head a little bit to the right and came closer to me. It was so cute! I wrapped my arms around him and pressed his body close to mine. I breathed in his scent: hair gel, gasoline, and shampoo. It may be weird, but those three things really go together. I laid my head on his shoulder. His bony, sweaty, beautiful shoulder.

“We’re here guys”, Andy said from the driver’s seat. He sounded emotional. I was too.   
The end. It sounded so weird. End… No! Not an end, a beginning. A beginning of living together with two boyfriends and a guy friend. A new start in a new city.  
I was standing between Rhett and Cream next to the driver’s seat in front of the big window. I grabbed Rhett’s hand with my left hand and Cream’s hand with my right hand. I looked at Rhett. He smiled at me. I looked at Cream. He smiled too.  
Andy drove to a big parking lot somewhere between really big buildings. “We’re really here guys.” A tear run down Andy’s right cheek.  
“Finally. After all this time, we are free”, Cream spoke.  
More tears escaped Andy’s eyes.  
“It’s okay, Andy. We’re going to start a new life here. We’ll try to find a job and we’ll sleep in the bus. It’s all going to be okay.” I said, holding back tears.  
“No, you don’t understand.” Andy started sobbing. “I wanted to say this to you for a long time, but never had the courage. Juliet and I are dating and I’m going back home. I can’t miss her any longer. I love her.”  
What? He’s not going to live with us? And the future we planned together? Why didn’t he tell sooner?   
“You can’t do this”, Cream said. He sounded so betrayed, I felt the same. “We’ve been friends for years. You can’t leave us like this! We had a future together!” Cream started sobbing and pressed his body against me and buried his face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around him. I kind of hated Andy right now. Why is doing this to us?  
“I’m so, so sorry. I wish I didn’t have to do this, but I can’t live without Juliet. Please don’t hate me!” Andy almost screamed.  
“How are you planning on going back?” I asked with Cream still in my arms.  
Rhett just stood there. He was friends with Andy too. He stared at the scene in front of him with big, shocked eyes.  
“I’m taking the bus”, Andy whispered.  
Cream freed himself from my arms and turned to Andy. “Go!”  
“What?”  
“You wanted to go, right? Then go!” He sounded so angry. I’ve never seen Cream so angry before. He’s that kind of person that doesn’t get angry that easy, but now he is pissed.  
Andy stood up and walked to the back of the bus without looking at any of us. He was a horrible person for doing this, but I understood. He just wanted to be with his girlfriend. We should have seen this coming.  
After a while Andy came back with a backpack. He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but I shook my head. He didn’t deserve to say anything to us right now. Andy walked out off the bus into the streets of LA. I looked at him. That was the last time I saw him and his onyx black hair, his black clothes and amazing tattoos. My feelings were right; arriving in LA would be a goodbye.  
“Goodbye Andy”, Cream whispered. He started sobbing. I wrapped my arms around him again.  
“What an idiot!” Rhett said with a loud and angry voice. “At least we still have each other.” I looked at him. He was right, we still have each other and we’re going to make the best of it. We can survive in LA without Andy.   
The sun was shining through the windows of the bus. It was warm and quiet. The only noises were breathing and cars in the streets. We held each other’s hands. It was all going to be okay. We’ll miss Andy for a while, but not forever.   
We are going to make it. Just the three of us.


End file.
